2016. . . what a ride – BUT – I made it!
Yes, it definitely has had its hard, bad, and sad times. Mentally, emotionally, and physically, I endured a lot and have overcome a lot of challenges. I could easily say this has been the worst year ever, but I wouldn’t have grown into the person I am becoming now.
For me, with these hard times comes a lot of new growth, experiences, learning opportunities and self awareness. New people, places, friendships and ending some friendships as well. I am thankful for both.
I am still here though, regardless of the times I felt like I didn’t want to be here anymore. There was a brief period where I went to a pretty dark place and it really frightened me. I never thought I would end up in a spot like that. I was very aware of it, I wasn’t myself and I wanted to get ME back. I know the happiness I have deep down in side of me, the zest for life, activities and adventure, people. I sought out help in few friends and mostly counselling. I have pushed through, like I knew I would and could. I just needed some help, which I have a lot of trouble asking for. I suppose I am like my father in that way. I have put in a lot of work on myself and will go into this new year continuing to do so – so I don’t ever repeat the mistakes I have made again, so I don’t have to go through what I’ve been through in these last two years – again! That being said – there are just somethings you cant control, change and are going to happen whether you like it or not. Such is life.
I am thankful for the people in my life currently. The ones who have stuck around regardless of how crazy or frustrating I feel I may have been. That they didn’t tell me I needed to just get over my shit and move on. They just let me feel, grieve, be indecisive and still have my back.
I am thankful for the new people who have entered into my life. Now that I am getting into my own groove and doing my own thing, I have met a lot of like minded people with the same interests and values. I’ve shared some amazing time with these people, had unreal conversations like I’ve never had before, and connected on so many different levels. I look forward to these friendships growing!
As thankful and happy as I am for all the wonderful friendships I have and new ones, I am extremely thankful for the ones who have exited my life. Been removed! A lot of toxic people have left my life over the last two years and I am thankful for what I have learned from these experiences, these people, what they have taught me – about other people, things to look for, what I want and don’t want in my life. I could look at a lot of them and just be negative about it all, but I did learn something and for that I am . . I am ok! I can let go of them, remember the good times, and not let if affect me anymore.
Although it is not where I thought I would be with my life, at – not even 30 years old yet, it sure brought out many things for me. I am happy to be learning these lessons and experiencing this now. It has been hard, but I’ve learned to have an open mind and be optimistic about the future. I am moving in the direction I want to, I will continue to grow and work on myself.
It’s so cheesy (to me) – “New year, new beginnings” – but it makes sense. Nolan and I will move this year to a new apartment, where I hope we will be for a while until I can buy, and we will create a little home and space for us! I am really looking forward to that! We will go on so many more adventures, and adventure in new ways! I will be taking more classes, I will try new things, I will work hard at work and on myself. There is so much that I want to do. Do for me, for Nolan, for us together!
I AM ready to accept the past. I AM ready to move on. I AM ready for a new beginning – its definitely time! I am ready to stop beating myself up, and letting other people take me down. Good things are in store for me – I am sure!
Thank you to EVERYONE who has followed me, supported me, inspired me and been there. I’m sure a lot of you have no idea who you are but – its the small things that matter and I definitely don’t forget those things.
All the best to you and your families in the New Year!
Time for a new adventure..